Satire
Up to 5 Million Doomsday Preppers Suddenly Disappear
Bunkers across the Country Empty, Gun and Gas Mask Sellers Predict Catastrophe In a mysterious occurrence like nothing the world has ever seen up to five million people, all part of the so called ‘preppers’ movement, have suddenly disappeared, leaving nothing but their neatly folded clothing behind. Many non-preppers who were left behind were suggesting that the Biblical end time known as the rapture had come. Local pastor Tim Stephens said in an interview “There can be no doubt that the rapture has indeed come though it has taken a form few had predicted. Instead of taking all the holy and believers in God up to heaven and leaving behind the sinful to fight to the death in a hellish afterscape where only the strongest and most well prepared would survive, it took all of the people who were the most well prepared to survive that nightmare world of death and destruction. What will become of those like us who were left behind now that the preppers are gone? I surely can’t say?” As of 1pm EST the day after the so called prepper rapture the world had declared an end to all wars for all time and began preparing for a utopian future without discord or strife.
By Everyday Junglist2 years ago in Humor
The One Star Review . Content Warning.
Dear Yurp reviews, This was the worst meal I ever had. My friends and I went to Goma Bakery for some good eats. We had heard good things from other customers. We heard they used a special, sticky plant juice that enhanced the flavor of their food. We heard they were great and had a top notch world famous Michelin rated chef serving the best food and had excellent customer service with a top notch wait staff. People say they always left full and the prices were reasonable.
By Alex H Mittelman 2 years ago in Humor
How Meal Prepping Ruins Your Life
You’re in your mid-twenties. You realize you’ve gained thirty pounds since you started Door Dashing a Wendy’s 4 for 4 every day. A quick Google search reveals that meal prepping will make you slimmer, healthier, and over time, able to voluntarily leave your couch. Off to the grocery store you go. Your neighbor stares at you in shock: you haven’t left your house in a week. You’re thinking, “Yes! Finally, I can be healthy,” “This will save me time and money,” and “I can’t wait to look like John Cena if he was 5’4.”
By Carlos Mesa Pla3 years ago in Humor
The Fartblossom. Content Warning.
The fartblossom (Malodorus flatulus) is an aquatic or ground plant whose leaves float atop the water or protrude from the ground from a stalk that is quite prickly and hairy. Its roots extend vertically below the surface, where it is anchored via a circular contractile ground sphincter that orients its tilt.
By Gerard DiLeo3 years ago in Humor
The Cookbook for Demons and Monsters. Top Story - September 2023. Content Warning.
Page 1 Introduction : Welcome to the only official book that teaches demons and monsters how to cook: The Cookbook for Demons and Monsters, Culinary Adventures for Creatures of the Night. Welcome all. Except humans, you suck. Stay out. If you’re a human, stop reading now. These recipes aren’t for you!
By Alex H Mittelman 3 years ago in Humor
Drug Dealers vs. Banks
I have odd thoughts when I think about where my money goes. I do not spend money on drugs...well, not illegal drugs. And yet, I still have no money. All that time saving and being (nearly) careful with my cash, I thought that I would be doing better than I am. So, why did this happen?Hmm...
By Kendall Defoe 3 years ago in Humor
