My Oasis

I ran my fingers through my hair. The drinks were slowly taking over; I grasped the railings of the balcony and stood still; or so I thought. She walked over to me, watching me sway like a cosmos in the wind. She was something I couldn't make sense of, until recently.

"What are you doing out here? It's cold as hell", she said grabbing my arm. I stared at her through my droopy eyelids. "Why are you staring like that? If you were a man I'd think you were interested in me?" she laughed and wrapped her arm around my shoulder, turning to look at the roller coaster ride in the theme park at a distance. "You remember when we were kids, we thought we would be adults and then get on that thing", she looked at her hands, her nails; it's something she did when she didn't know what she could or couldn't say.

I knew what this was but I will wait; wait until I hear what she had to say because deep within I had this tiny glimmer of hope that she wouldn't hurt me. I don't even know if thinking that way was the right thing to do; I don't know anything other than the feelings I have for her.

"..now that I am an adult, I don't want to anymore", she continued and turned to look at me and back to the ride, "I have started to find it boring".

"Don't you think it's high time we moved on with life?" she asked, I stared again, because I know no better. "I have been seeing someone and we agreed to take it a step further", she took a few steps back and looked at me. It wasn't that we had something that we could break, unless you call kissing once in a while and living together a relationship. To her I must have been a case of curiosity, but she meant a lot more than that to me.

I grabbed her hand, wrapping it in mine. "Not today? Can we not do this today?"

"I need to. I don't know what this is or what we are and what I am supposed to do. I want to live a normal life", she spoke flicking my hands away. She looked at her nails again. I ran my fingers through my hair.

When it came to naming what we had going on, I was reluctant. The fear that she would walk away sooner would engulf me; the fear that she would want a normal life and that we could never be 'normal'.

"I like us; how we are. I am ashamed of asking this of you but can you reconsid-"

"I am ashamed of whatever this is too", she said pulling back her hand and crossing them. "You, no, we are just like that ride. It is tiring now. It's time we stopped", she turned around and walked away. The black gown of hers swept across the floor, the moonlight reflecting on the embedded stones like stars on the surface of the oasis; one that would only go farther as I walked towards it.