If I Had Legs I'd Kick You

I sit here in this quiet room,

watching the dust dance in the light.

I watch you pack your winter coats,

preparing for your sudden flight.

The door is open just a crack,

the wind is blowing cold and harsh.

You do not even look at me,

you only look down at the floor.

You say it is too hard to stay.

You say you need to find your life.

You say you never meant to hurt,

and yet you cut me like a knife.

I listen to your empty words,

the hollow sounds of your excuse.

You tell me that you did your best,

but all I hear is pure abuse.

There was a time we used to run,

we used to walk beneath the trees.

We used to climb the highest hills,

and feel the gentle summer breeze.

But then the world came crashing down,

and took away my way to stand.

I woke up in a silent bed,

unable to walk through the land.

At first you held my shaking hand.

You told me we would be okay.

You promised me you would not leave,

you said that you would always stay.

But time is such a heavy weight,

and pity is a bitter pill.

I watched your smile begin to fade,

I watched your spirit slowly chill.

You started looking past my eyes,

and looking at the empty chair.

You sighed when you would lift me up,

a burden you could barely bear.

I felt the anger in your touch,

the silent anger in your sigh.

I wanted to release you then,

but I was much too scared to try.

Now you are taking back your life.

You pack your bags and turn away.

You say you hope I understand,

that there is nothing left to say.

You stand there with your healthy frame,

your moving feet, your easy grace.

You wear a look of sudden guilt,

upon your smooth and perfect face.

You think I want to beg you now.

You think I want to make you cry.

You think I need your sympathy,

as you prepare to say goodbye.

But as I watch you turn to go,

a sudden fire starts to burn.

It is not sorrow in my chest,

but something you have yet to learn.

I do not want to hold your hand.

I do not want to see you weep.

I do not want your broken heart,

or promises you cannot keep.

I feel the anger rise in me,

a hot and heavy, burning red.

I want to show you how I feel,

to put the actions to my head.

If I had legs, I would not run.

I would not chase you down the street.

I would not fall upon the ground,

and beg for mercy at your feet.

If I had legs, I'd stand up tall.

I'd look you square right in the eye.

I'd wipe that pity from your face,

and give you a sincere goodbye.

And then I'd swing my heavy foot.

I'd pull it back with all my might.

I'd aim it at your careless shins,

and kick you out into the night.

If I had legs, I'd kick you hard.

I'd make you feel the sudden pain.

I'd let you know the stinging shock,

of standing out inside the rain.

I'd kick you for the lies you told.

I'd kick you for the time you stole.

I'd kick you for the patronizing

words that broke into my soul.

I'd kick you out the open door,

and slam it shut behind your back.

I'd leave you standing in the cold,

upon the narrow, empty track.

The silence settles in the room,

once you have finally left the space.

I take a deep and steady breath,

and feel the tension leave my face.

The empty hooks upon the wall,

the missing pictures on the shelf,

they are not symbols of my loss,

but room to rediscover self.

I do not need your pity now.

I do not need your backward glance.

I will not be a tragic tale,

or victim of a circumstance.

My mind is sharp, my will is strong,

my spirit has the room to fly.

I am not broken by your choice,

I am not waiting here to die.

But I sit here and watch you go.

My feet are heavy, still, and dead.

I cannot move to strike you down,

so I will use my words instead.

You think you are the strong one here,

because you have the strength to leave.

Because you have the working limbs,

you think it is my turn to grieve.

But you are weak inside your heart.

You run away from what is tough.

You gave up when the road got steep,

because your love was not enough.

So walk away on your two feet.

Go run and find your easy place.

Go hide away from all the pain,

and join the endless human race.

I will stay here within this room.

I will find power in my mind.

I will rebuild my broken world,

and leave your cowardice behind.

The truth is that I do not need

to use my feet to make you small.

Your actions do it on their own,

you are the one who took the fall.

I may not have the legs to kick,

but I have eyes to see you clear.

I see the smallness of your soul,

the heavy burden of your fear.

So take your bags and walk away.

My heart is closing up the door.

I do not want you in my life,

I do not need you anymore.

And though the anger lingers on,

a steady fire in my chest,

I know that when you finally leave,

my spirit will begin to rest.

I'll find my way without your help,

I'll learn to live, I'll learn to grow.

I'll find a peace you cannot give,

a quiet strength you'll never know.

So step across the wooden frame.

Go walk into the setting sun.

Our time together is complete,

this bitter chapter now is done.

Just know that as you walk away,

I watch you with a steady view.

And in the quiet of my mind,

if I had legs, I'd kick you.