I Tried To Text My Dead Mother

A few days ago, I walked into a store here in London for a bit of shopping and the sound that came over the radio immediately caught my attention. It was ‘Sound of Thunder’ by Duran Duran. A non-single, album track off of their 1981 eponymous debut album. I was stunned. Not 'Girls on Film' or 'Planet Earth'. 'Sound of Thunder'! It could only mean one thing: they were playing the whole album in its entirety. I started singing along while I was doing my shopping, and when it was over, I wanted to hear what would come next. It should be ‘Friends of Mine’. A few seconds went by and, sure enough, the opening beeping sound of ‘Friends of Mine’, the next track on the album, started. They were indeed playing the whole album! Hearing my favourite band’s debut album in a shop was quite the experience, and so I reached inside my bag for my phone. I just had to text my mother.

I get, like, 79% of my taste in music from my mother. Like most people, right? Our parents are usually our gateway to great music and thank goodness for that. My mom and I bonded over music throughout my life. As I’ve mentioned before in a previous article, she got me into George Michael, her favourite artist and because of that, his death still hurts to this day, like I’ve lost a friend or a family member. Some of her favourite bands and artists became some of my favourites too. And that includes Duran Duran. Over the years, I definitely became the bigger Duran Duran fan of the two of us, but it all started around 2002 or so. My mom and I were at home watching TV. Specifically VH1 Classic. Duran Duran’s 1993 MTV Unplugged sessions. Ten minutes in, I fell in love. Simon Le Bon’s voice. Their lyrics. Their sound. Everything about them appealed to me. And so, they became my favourite band.

I have seen them in concert many times, usually with my mother. But the next time I see them, my mother won’t be there. And for a split-second, I forgot about that. Hearing ‘Sound of Thunder’ and ‘Friends of Mine’ back to back, unexpectedly, gave me such joy, I had to share it with my mother. She will get such a kick out of that, I thought! I had the exact same thought when our dog Rio (guess what she was named after) got super exciting about seeing a squirrel in her new home here in London. I just wanted to text my mother.

We would text each other all the time, usually about pop culture stuff. Films, TV, music… You know, the usual stuff. And so, I wanted to tell her about the Duran Duran thing. But of course, I couldn’t. My mother died a little over a year ago. When I came to my senses, I considered typing the message anyway, because why not? Couldn’t hurt. Maybe it would be cathartic. Maybe it’s the sort of thing therapists tell you you should do when you’re grieving for the sake of closure or something. I thought about it but I just couldn’t. So I let the moment pass and enjoyed Duran Duran while I was in the shop.

But that split-second, fleeting moment where I forgot she was dead, was a nice welcome. I actually didn’t mind the sadness that came afterwards, because my brain forgot it for a moment and it made for a nice change from the constant presence of her absence in my heart and in my mind.